The Hardest Thing
by SeriouslySkullFlap
Summary: Season 4 MerDer and DerLexie. Derek struggles between his feelings for Meredith and his new found feelings for Lexie. Lexie fights her feelings for Derek as she knows he is taken. Meredith tries to show Derek that she loves him and wants him.
1. Chapter 1

The wedding is so over. We are so over. My chance to become chief is so over. My life is so over. These are the thoughts running through Derek's head as he sits at the bar still in his tux. Joe can tell by the look on Derek's face that he will need more scotch to hold Derek over for the night. Derek leans his elbows on the bar top and holds his head in his hands. A familiar voice is heard next to him ordering a drink, he looks up. It's her, the girl, the girl who hit on him the night of Burke's bachelor party. It's the girl he so stupidly turned down. Fate, it must be fate. "Don't just stare at her Derek, do something," he thinks to himself. He smiles at her and she smiles back. "Now say something, you jackass," he thinks. He pulls up the bar stool next to him for her to sit down and says, "So we meet again."

Lexie sits down on the stool Derek had pulled out for her and faces him. "Care to try this again? Are you alone tonight?" she asks, hopeful that she will be able to take him home with her tonight.

"I haven't felt more alone," Derek replies. He isn't really sure what he is doing. Did Meredith mean what she said? Was she even talking about us? The point is she walked away. She walked away right after I asked her not to. That was her answer as far as I'm concerned. "So tell me about you. Obviously you're new in town, I haven't seen you around before."

"Oh is this the only bar in Seattle?" she teases. She was always told her sense of humor was her best quality and most guys find a charming funny girl to be the biggest turn on. This man seemed to be eating it up. He lets out a giggle and smile. She continues, "I just flew in a few days ago."

"Let me guess, you came here for the wonderful weather," he jokes, two can play at that game. There is something about this girl that makes him feel normal. For the first time since he came to Seattle he felt totally normal. Her smile, her wit, her beauty, I can get used to this.

"I am here for an internship, a surgical internship at the hospital. I know what you're thinking, how can she be so beautiful and so smart? It really is a gift," she says playfully, flashing him a smile afterwards. Wow confident and smart. Wait a second, did she just say internship?

"The hospital? As in THE hospital?" he says as he points to the door, "which hospital is the hospital?" Derek knows he is rambling but it all seems too familiar, scary familiar.

"Seattle Grace, I officially start tomorrow," she says. She starts to get nervous as Derek's posture and fun loving attitude changes. He now looks like a deer caught in headlights. "Is everything alright? You look as if you just saw a ghost. You're not thinking of bailing on me this time, are you?" Bailey, oh god, if she found out I am interested in other intern she'd surely cut off my penis.

"I have to go. I had a great time talking to you though," Derek says in a panic, trying to find his keys. He pats himself down only to find that his keys were in his pocket the whole time.

"We barely spoke. Come on, don't leave in such a hurry, the night is young," Lexie says, practically begging him not to leave, not tonight, not now, not when she was so close to having him right where she wanted him. "I'll make it worth your while." Derek's eyes perk up, sounds intriguing. "Oh, I have your attention now?" He gives her a slow nod yes. She kisses him. It wasn't a crazy I am going to fuck your brains out kiss like she had wanted to. It was soft, sweet, innocent, playful…just where she wanted to leave him, wanting more. She pulls back and smiles at him. "I should get going anyway, early day tomorrow." She starts to walk out of the bar. Derek is too caught up in the moment to realize he forgot to get her name once again. This time he would need it to make sure he could avoid her at all costs at the hospital.

"Wait I didn't get your name!" he calls out to her.

She smiles to herself. Bingo, I got him, hook line and sinker. She turns around and yells back to him as she continues to walk backwards, "Lexie! Lexie Grey!"

Derek finds himself pacing. Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon, is pacing in his trailer half naked and is late for work. Not to mention Derek Shepherd is now talking to himself out loud, "There are tons of people with the last name Grey, it's a common name. I know um 3 people with that last name, of course they're all related but that's really besides the point." He picks up a shirt, sniffs it, and puts it on. "I really need to do laundry, I cannot be going into work like this. It's a good thing I'll be wearing scrubs." He starts thinking about Lexie again after being sidetracked by his dirty or not so dirty shirt, "Didn't Thatcher have a daughter in med school? I don't know anymore, I am late, I will have to deal with this when the time comes." He grabs his bag and quickly exits the trailer.

Luckily Derek doesn't have any early surgeries scheduled so being late was not so much of a big deal. Richard had a meeting with the board so he was too preoccupied to even realize anyway. The first person he sees is Meredith, she is waiting for the elevator. "Meredith!" he calls out as he makes his way over, dodging people who seemed to be getting in his way on purpose. She looks up when she hears her name being called and sees it's Derek. The elevator doors open and she steps on, not even looking back at him. He puts his arm in the way of the elevator doors closing just in time, "Meredith we need to talk."

"Not now, Derek, I am already late," she coldly says, brushing him off, pushing him away as usual. She couldn't deal with him at that moment. There were other things on her mind. Cristina, she couldn't even leave her bed let alone the apartment this morning. Could you blame her? Cristina Yang is not the type of person to just let anyone into her world and she did, she let him in, she sacrificed herself in so many ways for him and this is how she gets repaid. It doesn't seem fair, yet neither did it seem fair that Derek was acting the way he is acting either. Distant, cold, flirting with other girls and being happy about it, feeling neglected Derek. "Like I owe him anything" Meredith thinks to herself. Men, who needs them anyway?

Derek is stunned but breaks out of it when he sees his own reflection in the elevator doors. The closed elevator doors that might as well had been slammed on his face, that's how it felt anyway. He takes a deep breath knowing that he would not be able to avoid it any longer. The wonderful girl in the bar would soon find out that the man she had been flirting with is also her boss. The man she kissed, the man who she had made laugh and forget all his problems even though it was only for those short moments they spent together. He really needed to talk to Meredith, he needs to know where they stand. He needs to know what her damn half-sister's name is.


	2. Chapter 2

Izzie and Alex are sitting in a conference room by themselves. They keep looking around to see if anyone else is coming. Anyone else meaning Meredith, she is late. They knew Cristina wouldn't be there, they are just waiting on Meredith. Richard and Bailey walk into the room and sit down at the table across opposite Izzie and Alex, facing them. Richard looks down at his watch and over to Bailey and points to his watch. "She should be here any minute, Chief Webber," Izzie says.

"We don't have all day. You will have to tell her when she gets here. We are going to proceed," Bailey says.

"Before we get started, do either of you have any questions?" Richard asks.

"Are we getting our own interns?" Alex asks.

"Intern, you get one intern. We can't trust you around the hospital by yourself let alone with a group of interns," Bailey replies.

"When will we meet them?" Izzie asks.

"Right after we are done here, I will hand you a folder of all the information of your intern. You will have a half hour to go over everything before you introduce yourselves to them. If you have any questions, you can ask Dr. Bailey," Richard explains. Richard hands out the folders and Meredith runs into the room and quickly sits down.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Dr. Webber and Dr. Bailey. Apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put 4 rocking chairs on the back of a pickup truck without tying them down," Meredith says as she catches her breath. Richard hands her a folder. "What's this?"

"Our intern, Meredith," Alex says.

"Shall I continue?" Richard asks, they all shake their heads yes. "You will have your one intern who will shadow you for the most part. They are your responsibility. You are going to be expected to teach them everything you have learned as well as everything you will learn. Just remember what it was like for you all to be fresh new interns and treat them the way you feel like they should be treated to get the most out of this program."

Alex peaks inside his folder, "Oh come on, you stuck me with O'Malley?" he whines.

Izzie opens her folder up and reads it, "Wow, my guy is from Australia."

Meredith is then inclined to open her folder up, "New Jersey, nice. Another east coast man, I can't wait."

"Are there only men this time around," Alex asks.

Richard and Bailey both look to each other and then back at the 3 faces eagerly awaiting their answer. Bailey clears her throat and speaks up, "No, Cristina's intern is a woman. She will be with me until Cristina comes back to work. Which will be soon I hope, Dr. Grey?"

"Knowing Cristina she will be back tomorrow," Meredith says with a smile as she continues to read about her intern.

Richard and Bailey stand up to leave, "Remember, you have a half hour to review and then you will meet them. We will see you by the intern locker room in 30 minutes." They walk out.

The new interns are standing outside the locker room waiting for word on what's going on. Lexie turns to Adam, who happens to be her best friend from med school, and says, "I saw that guy again last night."

"Did you taken him home with you?" Adam asks.

"No but I kissed him and left him wanting more," Lexie says slyly.

"I taught you well," Adam says as his attention drifts to the nurse's station, "Hey isn't that him over there?" He points to where a man stands in his lab coat and reading over a chart with a nurse.

"Ha ha very funny," Lexie says as her voice tapers off when she sees that her friend is right. That is him. "He didn't tell me he worked here!"

"Lexie, darling, not only does he work here but I think he may be our boss," Adam says. He starts snickering. Jason starts laughing along with him.

"This isn't funny!" she shrieks. She gets so frustrated that she marches right up to Derek and smacks him on the arm.

"Ow!" he yells, "what did you do that for?"

"You didn't tell me you worked here! I told you last night I was going to work here and you don't have the decency to give me a warning!" she scolds.

"It must've slipped my mind," Derek jokes as he smiles at her. Well that wasn't as bad at he had thought it was going to be.

"This is going to be fun," Lexie says as she grins from ear to ear. "I'll see you around." She walks back over to the guys, who have now been joined by George. "Like putty in my hands," she says as she high fives Adam. She looks to George and waves to him, he waves back.

Derek can't keep his eyes off of her. He smiles when she smiles and laughs when she laughs. Meredith walks over to the group and his eyes go wide realizing what he had been doing. There was a purpose he was pretending to read charts at the nurse's station and it wasn't to gawk at the new intern, it was to talk to Meredith. There she is with no excuse in the world to run away this time. There she is…talking to Lexie. Crap, this is going to be harder than he expected.

Meredith has a clipboard in her hand with her intern's name on it and all of his information. She calls out his name, "Dr. Cerbone." Jason steps forward. "I am your resident, Dr. Grey." All of the interns look confusingly at Lexie and then back at Meredith but no one speaks up. Adam nudges Lexie but Lexie ignores it. Lexie is well aware of who she is.

Izzie is next to collect her intern, "Dr. Garcia." Adam steps forward and smiles. Izzie blushes, "I am Dr. Stevens." She extends her hand for Adam to shake, he shakes it.

Lexie and George both look at each other being the only two interns left and there being only on resident. Alex rolls his eyes and says, "O'Malley, you're with me."

"I knew it, I am being tortured," George says.

"How do you think I feel?" Alex snaps back.

"That'll be enough out of both of you!" Bailey yells. They both close their mouths. "You will learn to work together like civilized people or you'll both be out of here. There is no time for this foolishness." Bailey turns to Lexie, "Dr. Grey, your resident will be Dr. Yang. You will meet her tomorrow. Until then, you can be with me today." Lexie shakes her head.

Izzie whispers to Meredith, "Did she just say Grey?"

Meredith whispers back, "Yeah, she did."

"Everyone will start work right away. You will all be on a 48 hour shift. Your residents will explain more to you as you move along. Welcome to Seattle Grace," Bailey says, "Dr. Grey come with me." Meredith and Lexie both walk towards Bailey. "Dr. Lexie Grey." Meredith stops and turns back around embarrassed.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek sits in the coffee room with his head in his hands. The lights are off, he is unsure of why he turned the lights off but it has relaxed him. He is so relaxed and so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn't even notice that Mark joined him. "Why does Lexie have to make me feel so good," he finds himself saying out loud, "I mean I just met her."

He is startled by the raised voice of Mark, "Did you even hear me?"

He quickly looks at Mark to say, "I didn't even know that you were in the room."

Mark chuckles, "I said what the hell is wrong with you? The rest of us worked really hard trying to get that chief job and he gives it to you and you turn it down."

"You know about that?" Derek asks, he thought that was just between he and Richard.

"Everyone knows about it, Derek, the whole hospital is talking about it," Mark says as he takes a seat next to Derek, "I can't believe you haven't heard the buzz."

"I have other things on my mind," Derek says distantly.

"Obviously. So who is Lexie?" Mark couldn't resist. Derek was talking to himself about someone and he couldn't just let it rest. Mark knows Derek too well to know that when he is talking to himself that there are big problems on the horizon.

"You heard that?" Derek says. This is not good. Mark can't know, nobody can know. I need to do something about this now. "She's nobody." Hopefully Mark will believe his obvious lie.

"You don't talk to yourself about nobody. Come on spill it, like old times."

Derek just looks at Mark before sighing, "Fine, but not a word of this to anyone else." Mark just nods. "I met a girl in the bar. A different girl. A perfect girl. This is bad."

"What about you and Meredith?" Mark asks.

"We have been rocky lately. Then I told her…GOD I'm so stupid, I told her to put me out of my misery. Why did I tell her that? I don't know. But now she won't speak to me. Part of me wants to wait for Meredith to come around and everything will be ok but I have this whole other side of me that comes out when I even think about Lexie. I'm stuck. I don't even know if Meredith and I are still together or not."

"Well you better find out, Derek, that's your first goal. Then you have to really ask yourself if it's what you want anymore." Derek is shocked. Mark actually gave advice…good advice. If only it were that easy then he wouldn't be in this predicament, he wouldn't be talking to himself in the dark. "And who ever you dump, just send her my way." Mark can't help but smile at his joke, even Derek let out a smirk himself as he stands up.

"Not a chance," Derek says before he walks out of the room. He needs to find Meredith. He needs her alone. He needs to ask her if she is in this and she needs to answer him. The rest will follow. He doesn't know what he wants but he does know he needs a definite answer. Who is the better person for him? That would be the question etched in his brain all day while every attempt to get Meredith alone is failed and Lexie just keeps showing up everywhere he looks. There she is again, smiling at him. He can't help but smile back. This is going to be harder than he thought.

As Meredith shows her intern the ins and outs of the hospital her mind is a little preoccupied with thoughts of Derek. Mainly thoughts of what Derek said the night of Cristina's wedding. He said put him out of his misery. He said to. Is that what she wants? No, of course it's not. She does love him, why can't he see that? Can she really be the person he wants her to be? She is not so sure. She can't face him, not yet. She isn't ready to discuss it with him when she doesn't know herself what she is going to do. Maybe she should do it. Maybe she should put him out of his misery. He does deserve happiness, after all. How dare he put all the pressure on her? He is as much apart of this as she is.

She must have been day dreaming too long because Jason is now staring at her. She smiles at him and he smiles back. Both of them are nervous and unsure of what to say next. Meredith finally speaks up, "Let's head to the pit to see if we can get you a case."

"That's what I was hoping to hear, Dr. Grey, thank you," Jason replies. They both head to the pit. It seems like everyone else had the same idea because they were all in the pit, all except for Lexie Grey. No doubt Bailey had her jumping through hoops before she would scrub in on her first surgery. Jason walked off to see if he could find a case while Meredith walks over to Izzie and Alex who were observing their interns from afar.

"Looks like we all had the same idea," Meredith says, "Does anyone else feel like this is way harder than they thought it was going to be?" Alex and Izzie both shake their heads yes. "Dr. Bailey probably has Lexie running labs or something."

"I am still trying to figure out how to get my intern scrubbed in," Izzie says as she looks over her clipboard, which now has a piece of paper attached to it with scribbles on it which Meredith assumes are notes of some sort.

"I hate to break it to you guys but Lexie is scrubbed in already…with Dr. Shepherd. I took a look at the surgical board before I came down here," Alex says, "You would think it would be easy for George to get a surgery, he's done this before. He looks just as clueless as ever."

"Don't be so hard on him, this can't be easy, "Izzie says, "I couldn't imagine starting all over again."

"I have to be hard on him, Iz, it's the only way he is going to learn. We are doctors, it's not supposed to be easy," Alex says then walks over to George.

Izzie looks to Meredith, "So, did you talk to Derek yet?" Since Cristina was busy with her own problems, Meredith had to confide in Izzie. Meredith knows Izzie is just trying to be supportive but she did tell her she didn't want to discuss it anymore. Meredith just shakes her head no. Izzie could tell Meredith was uncomfortable with her line of questioning so she decides to change it up, "Have you seen Dr. Burke and Addison's replacements yet?"

"No I haven't." Izzie just smiles big.

"Does this mean we are going to have to come up with more nicknames?"

"We may have to, come on," Izzie says as she walks away. Meredith follows after her as they go find the hot new doctors.

Since Derek had her to himself as they washed their hands it was better time than never to inform Lexie of his current status. He was unsure himself if he was still with Meredith or not but he didn't want to screw things up until he talked to Meredith about it. So in his mind, Derek Shepherd is an attached man. His concentration on his thoughts is broken when he feels her looking at him. He turns to her and his assumptions are confirmed, she is looking. She is first to speak, "what's with you?"

"Thinking." He couldn't let her know what he was thinking about entirely. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was sure she could read right through him.

"Listen, Derek, I understand that you're my boss and if you don't want this to go any further I am fine with that. It's totally understandable why a person such as yourself wouldn't want to get mixed up with an intern like me. If I were in your position, I wouldn't want me either. I just don't want things to be weird." He was stunned by her assessment of his thoughts. He wishes that were the problem. He wishes that all he worried about is an attending sleeping with an intern. That was the furthest thing from his mind. How could be break it to her that he belongs to someone else? Or may belong to someone else. Damn it, Derek, just tell her.

"That's not quite it," he says as he takes a step back from her. He was sure with the next thing he is about to say she will want to slap him. "The truth is that I am involved with someone already."

"Oh," was all she said, not quite sure how she feels about it. Her expression is hard to read, she just stands there looking at him with a blank stare. He assumes her silence means she wants to elaborate.

"Well, I think I am anyway. We had a falling out and I am not quite sure where I stand in her mind. I intend on finding out soon though." He knows like he sounds like an idiot. A total jerk is more like it, and he feels like one too.

"So, you don't care that I am an intern?" she asks with a little smirk on her face. Smirking was good. Or was it? It he supposed to be happy she is smirking. He is so confused. He shakes his head no. "Listen, I am here for when you do decide what you're doing. This is all on you now. We can be coworkers or we can be more. For right now I just see us as coworkers and you as my boss but if you want me, I am yours for the taking."

He didn't expect that reaction. In fact he actually admires that reaction. There wasn't more to say because all that he had on his mind was that he wants to be with her and spend time with her and get to know her better. He never felt this way before. It was different. He truly was falling for who she is as a person and nothing more. She has so many amazing qualities that she had obviously not gotten from Thatcher. He watches as she walks away from him. Meredith and Jason pass by soon after Lexie leaves the room.

He throws the paper towel out and rushes after her. "Meredith," he says to get her attention just as she is about to walk into an OR. She stops and turns around, Jason stops with her. Derek nods to Jason and Jason nods back. "Are you busy?"

"We're about to go into surgery, Derek, is it quick?" Meredith says as she motions to the OR door. He feels like an idiot that he didn't see that she was on her way to surgery. His mind was in a million places so he didn't take time to look at what was around him.

"No, we can talk later." He is discouraged but there was no way he could say what he wanted to say in a few short moments. Plus she had her intern with him and he knew how important it is for her to get him into surgery. It was nothing he wanted to talk about in front of anyone else anyway. "I'll talk to you later, Dr. Grey."

She was taken aback how the way he said Dr. Grey. Why didn't he say Meredith? Was it because of Jason? No he has used Meredith just moments before. Something didn't sit right with her about the way he said Dr. Grey so coldly. Yeah it was cold and distant and not like Derek at all. Jason is standing next to her waiting for instructions. She smiles at him and says, "Sorry about that, lets scrub in."

They walk into the scrub room and get prepared for surgery. Jason clears his throat before asking, "Are you relaxed to Lexie Grey?"

Meredith rolls her eyes even though she knew she would get the question from somewhere, "I think she is my half-sister."

"You think. You don't know?"

"Well I have never met my half-sister. My half sister is named Lexie though, and she did go to medical school." Meredith doesn't even know why she is telling him all this. "We should go." They walk into the OR to get started.


	4. Chapter 4

She knew it was too good to be true. A man like that does not stay single. A man like that wouldn't leave his girlfriend for her. A man like that wouldn't risk his career for the likes of Lexie Grey. Lexie had confidence and thought very highly of herself but when it comes to relationships she just never has any of the luck. She should've known it wouldn't last. She should've known he didn't want her. These are the thoughts going through her head as Lexie makes her way to the pit where Bailey is waiting for her.

She had to do the right thing and walk away. She would never break up a relationship. He needs to make that decision for himself. She only wished deep down inside that he would've chosen her right then and there. She shakes her head to clear her thoughts. She cannot become attached. She will only wind up hurt again. A lonely tear escapes her eye as she makes her way into the pit.

Izzie steps onto the elevator and takes a spot next to Meredith in the back. Izzie could tell Meredith was still bothered by the way she had left things with Derek after Cristina's wedding. "Did you talk to him yet?"

"We have the worst timing in the world. We can't seem to find time to be alone. He tried earlier but I had to be in surgery. I had finally gotten Jason scrubbed in and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to be in there with him."

"Have you made your decision yet?"

"We are the hope. We are the happy ending that everyone else needs. I thought it was Cristina and Burke but I have been thinking and it's not them at all. It's us, he and I need to be ok and then everything else in the world will be ok. I can change. I can change for him. I will change for him." Meredith looks to Izzie who is just watching her, "And you're looking at me like I am crazy but I know what I need to do. I need to tell him." The elevator doors open and she bolts out. Izzie doesn't even bother to stop her to tell her she's on the wrong floor.

Lexie spots Meredith across the pit. It seems that Meredith is just passing through but she feels like she should stop her. Yes she will stop her. It's going to need to be done eventually, might as well be now. Lexie stands in front of Meredith's patch. Meredith practically walks into her since she isn't watching where she is going. Meredith nervously smiles at Lexie, Lexie smiles back.

Meredith knows who she is. She knows Lexie is her sister. There are too many coincidences for her not to be her sister. Besides, Meredith is not that lucky for her not to be her sister. They are now standing face to face neither of them wanting to be the first to speak. What are they to say anyway?

Lexie realizes Meredith won't be talking first so she speaks up, "I know who you are." Not quite what she had expected to fly out of her mouth. It wasn't said in a nasty tone or anything, it just wasn't the words she had wanted to say. "My father…our father told me about you."

"Oh," was all Meredith could say. Of course he wouldn't tell her good things. He probably told her it was all Meredith's fault that her mother died. Meredith is sure Lexie hates her. She sighs and braces herself for the verbal beating she is sure she will be taking in any moment.

"He told me to stay away from you…that it was your fault that my mother died…"

"Lexie, I…"

Lexie doesn't let her finish her sentence, "I never did believe him. Dr. Bailey showed me the file and I am just an intern but I didn't see anything that you did wrong. So I guess what I am trying to say is I hope we could get along while we are both here. I am not expecting to be friends or anything like that but I didn't want you to think that I hate you because I don't"

"Oh thank God, I really thought you were going to let me have it," Meredith says with a big sigh of relief.

"He lets his emotions get the best of him and I just want to apologize for the way he treated you."

"Thank you," is all Meredith can get out. She is still in a bit of shock that she didn't get the beating she thought she would be getting. "I am glad we can work together without all that other stuff in the way. My best friend will be your resident so I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other."

Lexie smiles, "I'll be looking forward to it." She looks over and sees Bailey watching her, "Well I better get back to work, Dr. Bailey is getting ready to pounce." She laughs at her own joke as she walks away. Meredith laughs too. Bailey is kind of like a tiger getting ready to pounce at all times. She had never thought of her that way before. She searches her mind for what she was even in the pit for in the first place. Oh yes, she got off on the wrong floor in search for Derek. She continues on, determined not to get distracted anymore.

Meredith had gone over it a thousand times in her heard through out the day. The perfect words to say to Derek to show him that she was still in this, she wants to blow him away. The last thing she wants is to let him go. No matter how much she doesn't say it or doesn't show it she loves him and he is it for her. She hopes the practicing on coma patients and even with Jason would pay off. She doesn't want to stutter, she doesn't want to ramble, she doesn't want to get emotional, all she wants is to tell him that she will do what ever it takes to show him that she is in this for life. She smiles as Joe places her tequila and Derek's scotch down on the bar top. Maybe Joe's wasn't the best place for her speech but it was more home than anything. It's where they first met, it's where they met again when they decided to start over, third time's the charm…it just has to be.

She feels a presence on the bar stool next to her. She turns around and sees Derek's smiling face, she smiles back. Smiling is good. Maybe he hasn't given up on them after all. He lifts the glass, "Is this for me?" She nods yes. "Thank you." He takes a sip. He doesn't know what to expect from this meeting. She didn't give him many clues, only that they needed to talk. He hopes she wants to tell him that she needs him and not that she wants to push him away.

Meredith takes a deep breath, "I have gone over this so many times in my head and I still don't know the right words to say but I am going to give it a try. I don't want to push you away anymore. I don't want you to be miserable. I definitely do not want to be the person who makes you miserable. I know that most of the time it looks like I am shutting you out and I swear it's not on purpose. It's just that I've never done this before so I am still learning and it's been one hell of a rollercoaster between finding out you're married and you choosing Addison and us starting over and then you asking me to put you out of your misery. Through all of that I have stuck by your side. I am still here. That just has to show you something." She shakes her head at herself, "I am rambling and I told myself that I shouldn't ramble."

"I love the rambling," he says as he looks at her with total admiration. She's doing it, she's conveying her feelings. That's all he ever wanted her to do.

"What I am trying to say is that I want to work on this…on us. I can be the person you want me to be, no, who you need me to be. I just ask that you be patient and if I stray off the course to show me the way. I don't need you to breathe for me but I need you to breathe with me…by my side…forever. I hope it's not too late to ask you for this one last chance."

It's everything he ever wanted to hear her say. No it's better than he could have ever imagined. She opened up and it was beautiful. While he was worrying about where he stood with her she was coming up with this wonderful speech that came straight from the heart. Of course he will give her the chance, of course he can be patient, of course he will breathe with her. Forever. She said forever. Forever is all he ever wanted and now he has it, or will have it, no he has it. He has forever and forever feels magical. "I will breathe with you, Meredith Grey, I promise." For once he was the one who didn't know what to say. She had said it all. He wanted to shout out for all to hear, YES! But he smiles at her. She smiles and they hug. It feels so right with her in his arms. He had her so many times in that same spot but this time feels different. This time feels that nothing can tear them apart, not his issues and not her issues. They will work together to be everything to the other. He is home, she is home. They have forever together.

"Did you know my half-sister Lexie is an intern?" she asks.

Shit, Lexie, boy does he ever.


	5. Chapter 5

The hospital is the last place Derek Shepherd wants to be in this moment. It's a new day. A new day meant new problems. A new day meant she would be there, in the hospital, acting perfectly and all he can do is admire her from afar. It felt good, so good that Meredith had said what she said at the bar. And she meant it, oh did she mean it. Yet he feels like shit. He feels like shit because of what he feels for another woman. He feels like shit for what he feels for her half-sister. Every day he tries to fight it and every day she does something else that he winds up falling in love with. Torn, he is torn.

He sits in the driver's seat of his car in the parking lot. He doesn't want to go in there. He sits and he stares at the doors. He looks down at the radio which has some song blaring out of it that he was just not in the mood for. Of course it had to do with love. It's mocking him through his speakers. His train of thought is broken by the sound of knocking on his window. Startled he jumps and looks up at who knocked. Lexie. Lexie standing there with her perfect smile on her perfect face. How could she be so happy so early in the morning? He rolls his window down.

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," she sings.

"Good morning Lexie…Dr. Grey." He kicks himself for the mistake of calling her by her first name after she just called him doctor.

"Avoiding the work day?" she asks as she had noticed him sitting in his car for quite some time before she worked up the nerve to knock.

"Something like that." She smiles and he can't help but smile back. He looks at the clock, there is still time before rounds. There is still time. "Do you want to go out to breakfast? You know, as friends of course."

She looks down at her watch to check the time, "Yeah, ok, that sounds great." She walks to the other side of the car and gets in on the passenger's side and sits down. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing and neither was she. They both acted on what their minds were screaming for them to do. Derek didn't even know where he wanted to take her but he figured he'd find a place so he drives off.

"Do you even know where we are going?" She asks. He had been driving up and down streets trying to find a place. The panicked look on his face gives him away. He keeps his eye on the clock knowing they are pressed for time.

"Not particularly." There was no use in lying.

"Do you even know what you're doing?"

"No, no I don't. I am sorry. I really don't know what I am doing." She finds it adorable the mess he had gotten himself into. He is obviously is confused in what ever was going on in his mind.

"Why don't we just go back to the hospital?" He parks on the side of the road and sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "Listen, you can't hide whatever it is that you're feeling. That's why I think it's better that we just go back."

"Why do you have to be so perfect?" He didn't want to say that out loud. It was an inner thought that had slipped out. She can't know how he feels. It isn't fair. The hurt on her face says it all. She feels something too and she is only trying to be a good person. The perfect person that she is and he is ruining her. He hangs his head, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't be thinking that."

"I…I think we should go." She can't even look at him. She doesn't want to look at him. Those eyes that tell her he wants to be with her but his mouth says something different. It's too much to bear. If she wasn't so far away from the hospital she would rather get out and walk than to be in the car with him at that moment. She leans her head on the window and stares out into the morning sky. The sun is rising. It should be a romantic moment but it's not. It can't be. She isn't allowed to love him but she does.

He turns the car back on and he starts heading back to the hospital. "I'm sorry, Lexie. I don't want to feel this way, believe me. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like scum, the worst kind of scum but I can't help it. She is changing for me. She opened up. She said the things I have been waiting a year to hear. And she meant them. I love her. But you, you are perfect. You are amazing. Everything about you is beautiful. Your personality, your sense of humor, your intelligence, your smile…it takes my breath away."

Tears roll down Lexie's cheeks. She wants to stop him. She doesn't want him to say anymore. The things he is saying are so wonderful. No one had ever told her that besides her father. She wants him to be the one to feel that way about her. He's not allowed. He loves someone else. He can't love them both. It's not fair. Not to her, not to him, and not to the other girl. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I…" Don't tell her. Don't say it. You will regret it. She will be hurt. You can't act on your feelings. Just shut up, Derek. She can't know. "I…" Do you want to be responsible for breaking another woman? You have to lie to her. You can't tell her what you feel. She knows, yes she knows but if you say it it'll hurt so much more. This girl deserves better than that. You can't tell her you love her. "I think this was a mistake." He pulls into his parking spot at the hospital and before he has the car in park Lexie opens the door and runs into the hospital with tears streaming down her cheeks. Derek punches his steering wheel and gets out of the car. You can't help her, Derek, you did this to her. Let her go. You have other things to worry about.

Lexie is the first one in the locker room. She buries her head into her locker to hide her tears. She can't stop them from flowing. There is a towel in there that she puts her face into. She stands there a few minutes to let her sobs out. Why? Why did she let herself get close? Why did she go with him? Why does she love him? She doesn't even know him. Those things he said. They way he looks at her. They tell her different things than the words coming out of his mouth. It's his fault, it's his fault she feels like this. It's her fault for letting herself fall for a spoken for man.

"Are you ok?" She is startled by the voice of someone behind her. She wipes her face quickly with her towel and turns around to face him. Jason. "Oh my God, have you been crying? Are you ok? Did something happen?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I'll be fine." It was a lie and more of a pep talk for herself more than anything. She still has to face him today. She still has to work with him every day. She still has to love him.

Jason is skeptical, "Are you sure? Because you don't look fine."

She puts on a fake smile, "See, I am smiling already." She points to her exposed teeth as she says it to emphasize the smile. To take his attention away from her eyes that are quickly forming more tears. She can tell he is not fooled. She sighs, "It's not working is it?"

"Not even a little bit. Did he do something to do? Did he hurt you?"

"I can't talk about it, Jason, let's just drop it. Please. Nobody else can know."

"Know what?" Adam says as he goes to his locker which is next to Lexie's.

Jason and Lexie look to each other to try to telepathically come up with a lie. Lexie speaks up, "Know that I'm not wearing any panties today." Jason's mouth drops and looks at her suggestively. She shakes her head no to tell him that what she is saying is true.

Adam's mouth drops too, "Uh, ha, your secret is safe with me." He blushes a little bit. Jason puts his hand over his mouth to cover his laugh. Adam quickly changes and leaves the locker room without saying anything or looking at anyone.

"So you're really not wearing anything?" Jason asks as he gets closer to her.

"My washing machine broke and I had no time to go to the Laundromat. It's so embarrassing."

"I doubt anyone will notice. But seriously, do you need me to kick his ass?"

"No…thanks Jason. Let's pretend I even know the man."

"That's kind of hard when he's our boss."

Her shoulders drop, "I know."


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith, Izzie, and Alex are getting ready in the locker room. For the first time in a long time Meredith is smiling. It doesn't go unnoticed by Alex and Izzie. "I take it you and Derek had a talk and it went well."

"Things are good."

"That's good."

"O'Malleys is driving me up the wall," Alex complains, "I don't know how much more of him I can take."

"He's our friend, Alex," Meredith replies, "Do you know what's up with him lately, Iz?" Izzie just shakes her head no. Meredith and Alex exchange looks. Izzie's un-Izzie like response did not go unnoticed. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, fine," Izzie snaps back.

Cristina walks into the locker room and begins her every day routine. They all watch her. She looks up and notices them all staring at her. They don't even try to hide the fact that they're staring. "I am going to say this once and only once. I am fine. I don't want to talk about it. He's not coming back. I just want to do my job. If any of you bring it up I will cut you open with a 10-blade."

Meredith just smiles and turns to Izzie, "She's back."

"Yes she is."

"It's good to have you back, Yang," Alex says.

"Yeah whatever, Evil Spawn. Don't think I am going to let you treat me nicer because you feel sorry for me. Don't feel sorry for me."

"We should tell you about your intern," Meredith says.

"We get interns? Nice"

"Intern. One. Lexie Grey," Meredith says.

"Isn't that your…" Cristina starts to say. Meredith shakes her head yes before she can finish. "Holy crap. And she's mine?" Meredith shakes her head yes again. Cristina smiles. "For me to torture."

"No! Not to torture. We're trying to be…well I don't know what we're calling it."

"Civil," Izzie chimes in.

"Yeah civil is a good word for it." Meredith hands Cristina Lexie's folder. "Here is her information."

"Please, like I am going to read that crap."

"Your intern and my intern are best friends from college. Isn't that cool?" Izzie says.

Cristina just looks at her and then back at Meredith, "So anyway, when does the torture begin?"

"CRISTINA!"

"Ok fine. But only because you're my person."

"Thank you."

Callie walks into the locker room. "It's almost time to round up the interns." She walks back out.

Derek finally makes his way into the hospital. He tries his best to hide all the emotions running through him. He doesn't know whether to be happy or sad. He feels like crying but at the same time is relieved. He can finally move on with his life. He can finally move on with Meredith. He shouldn't worry about the intern's heart he just broke. She knew he is taken, it's her fault. She did this to herself. He tries to tell himself it's her fault. He tries to lift some of the blame. He tries and he can't. This is all his fault. He asked her to come to breakfast. He told her she is perfect. He fell in love with her. She doesn't deserve the blame.

Derek tries to compose himself as he walks into the locker room. He could hear Mark through the door so he knows he won't be alone. As soon as he walks into the locker room he immediately goes to his locker without making any eye contact. Mark and the new head of Cardio, Dr. Dermot Mercer and the new head of Neonatal, Dr. Josh McCoy are talking about god knows what. Derek tries not to pay attention to them. He doesn't go unnoticed by Mark for long. Mark calls over to him, "Yo Derek, they're talking shit about the Yankees. You have to help me over here."

"Not in the mood, Mark," Derek mumbles. Mark can barely hear him speak.

Mark excuses himself and walks over to Derek, "Is everything ok? Did she find out? Did you break up with her? Can I ask her out?"

Derek puts his hand up to make him stop talking, "I am a terrible man. I did a terrible thing. I feel like shit and do not want to talk about it."

"What did you do that is so horrible?" Mark pries.

"I asked her out to breakfast this morning."

"Meredith?" 

"Lexie."

"Oh."

"I told her she's perfect."

"Good job."

"You're not helping. I am not talking to you about this." Derek turns his back to Mark and continues to change.

The interns are now in the hallway waiting for their residents. Jason and George are talking about a case they were working on the night before. Lexie turns to Adam, "Hey remember when we thought we could have casual sex?"

"Oh my god, yes. What were we thinking?"

The conversation perks Jason and George's interest and they begin to listen. Lexie continues, "I think we were just horny."

Jason can't help himself, "What's going on?"

"Adam and I have lived together since sophomore year of college. We were both going through a dry spell for a while and thought we could do the friends with benefits thing. The first and only time we tried to have sex we just couldn't do it. We both started laughing hysterically," Lexie explains. Jason doesn't seem too thrilled with the conversation.

"She's like my twin sister. We're too close to ever have something like that happen."

"You think that now but then you get a few drinks in you and everything changes," George says. They all look at him, "Sorry, it's not my business. I have my own things going on. Continue."

"Don't worry about it, George," Lexie says, "tell us about your situation."

George shakes his head no, "I'm sorry, I can't."

Before anyone could say anything else Meredith, Izzie, Alex, and Cristina walk over to them. Cristina walks over to Lexie and stands in front of her. "Dr. Yang," Cristina says as she extends her hand for Lexie to shake. Lexie shakes it.

"Dr. Grey," Lexie says.

"Let's get going, I found us a great case," Cristina says. Lexie looks to Meredith in amazement that Cristina found something so early in the morning. Meredith just shakes her head in agreement. Cristina is in fact amazing. Cristina and Lexie leave and the rest soon follow.

Derek tries to push her out of his mind while he works. He can't show his emotions, not while people around him are dying. He has to be strong. What he wants to do is just forget her all together but that is turning out to be impossible. Not only can he not stop thinking about her but she keeps turning up everywhere. They would be scrubbing in together today. Cristina had looked through all the charts in true Cristina form and found her intern the best case to learn from. Normally Derek wouldn't mind and he can't blame Cristina for wanting to teach her intern but Lexie next to him in his OR was not what he needed. Three hours. In three hours they would be forced to work together like nothing happened. Three more hours. Three, it's such a small number. The time seemed to be moving quicker than usual. It would soon be time. He needs to clear his head before he does this. He needs to get out. He goes to the only place that ever seemed to give him tranquility. He would find himself walking across the street not to drink his sorrows away but to think. Joe is surprised when he sees Derek walk in. Joe pours a cup of coffee as Derek sits down at the bar.

He makes sure he gets to the OR early so he doesn't have to have any unnecessary contact with her. Derek knows that sooner or later he will have to deal with his actions, he was just hoping it would be later. The last few months were starting to take a toll on him and he isn't sure how much more of it he can handle. Any other inter would have been late but this is Cristina Yang's intern. She already had Lexie taught well. When Derek walks in Lexie is already standing there talking with the anesthesiologist. Derek looks up to the gallery where Cristina is sitting proudly watching. He fakes a smile to her and then looks back in front of him where Lexie stands. She doesn't know he has walked into the room yet, he can tell because she is still smiling.

Derek clears his throat and Lexie looks in his direction. Her smile turns quickly into nothing. It isn't a smile anymore but it isn't a frown. It's just blank. She knew that when Cristina said it would be a neuro case that she would have to work with him and she tried to prepare herself as best she could. Nothing could prepare her for the way he is looking at her. She turns away. She can't possibly look at him anymore. Not when it hurts this much. He walks right over to her so that he is just inches away. He pretends to be working with something else as he starts to mumble to her. "About this morning…"

"Don't, Derek, just don't. I can't do this now. Let's just do the surgery and pretend we never met."

Derek hangs his head. This is the last thing he wanted. He wanted to still be friends. He wanted to still be ok. In the back of his head he knows that it will never be ok but he still doesn't want to believe it. "I'm sorry." He walks away he takes his position at the head of the patient and quietly gets started.

Meredith joins Cristina in the gallery. The sound of the door opening makes Cristina look, she half smiles when she sees it's Meredith. "Lock the door, Mer, I don't want anyone else in here."

"I don't think I am allowed to do that, Cristina."

"We're residents now, it's different. Just lock the door. If anyone asks we will just tell them we didn't do it."

"And who do we say did, the invisible intern?"

The look on Cristina's face becomes more desperate, "Please, Mer, just do it. I can't handle any more questions from people." Meredith understands. She nods her head and gets up to lock the door. She takes her seat back next to Cristina just as the surgery starts. "Your sister isn't half bad."

"I still don't know if I want to be calling her my sister. How about we just say Lexie?"

"Fair enough. Lexie…she's pretty good I have to admit."

"Well that's good." Meredith isn't sure how to react just yet.

"Her and McDreamy had a weird encounter a few minutes ago though. I wonder what he did to piss her off."

"You know Derek. Remember how he was with us when we first started? He probably said something nasty to her and she's still mad at him for it. I don't blame her."

"Yeah you're probably right."


	7. Chapter 7

When Cristina Yang says good case she really does mean good case. The surgery Cristina had picked out wound up keeping Derek and Lexie in the OR for all of Lexie's shift. It had been amazing. The surgery, the way Derek worked in the OR, the way he fought tooth and nail to safe his patient's life. Lexie Grey found a new respect for Derek Shepherd. His heroics in the OR almost made her forget about what he had done to her early that morning. They both walk out of the OR and into the scrub room with smiles on their faces only for Lexie's to turn into a frown. She can't let herself fall for him…not again. Whether he knew it or not he was slowly torturing her just by being himself. She had to get away before she said something stupid or before he says something they both know would be a mistake.

Without looking at his she feverishly scrubs her hands with the soap and then quickly runs her hands under the water. The soap isn't even entirely off when she grabs paper towel after paper towel and pats her hands with it. Her hands aren't fully dry when she leaves the scrub room without a word. Not even realizing she still has her scrub cap on she practically runs to the elevator before he follows her. Someone would have to be the smart one. By the look in his eyes once again she knows it won't be him. She will keep on having to run away from him until she gets over him. It's the only way. She knows that if she lets her guard down she will fall into his trap easily and that's the last thing she wants.

Lexie hurries off of the elevator and into the intern locker room. Adam and Jason are sitting there waiting for her. She expected Adam to be there, she is his ride home. They live together so they figure it would be easier to ride together. It is tonight where Adam realizes he will be taking his own car from now on. His shift was done a good 2 hours before Lexie got out of the OR. He knows there is something up with his best friend so he waits. He has no problems waiting. In their many years of friendship she did her share of waiting so it was only fair of him to return the favor.

Without saying a word Lexie changes out of her scrubs and into her work clothes. At first she doesn't even realize Jason and Adam are sitting there watching her. She turns to her left to see her two friends gawking at her. She quickly pulls her shirt over her head. "You guys act like you've never seen a half naked woman before. Close those mouths and let's get going. I'm starving."

Derek doesn't waste time trying to chase after her. He knows it isn't his place to try to make her feel better. He tries to tell himself that he just needs to work on what he has with Meredith because that is what is most important. Ever since Lexie showed up in his life he lost sight of what really matters. Just because Meredith said those wonderful things doesn't mean everything is perfect. There are a lot of things they both need to work out to make the relationship work. This will be the start of a new day, the start of a new life…a life with Meredith…finally.

He takes his time in washing up. He feels there is no need to rush. The surgery had been intense and took a lot out of him. He will check his schedule once more before calling it a night. He isn't expecting to see many familiar faces in the hospital. The surgery had taken them into the early hours of the morning so everyone from the day time had gone home hours before. There is something about the quietness of the hospital at night time that soothed him as he walked through the hallways and into the locker room to change.

After he changes into his street clothes he leaves the locker room. He is looking down at his feet and doesn't even notice Meredith standing in front of him. He looks up to see her smiling face. He smiles back and walks over to her. "What a pleasant surprise. You're still here," he says after giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I told myself I would wait for you so I could tell you…I didn't realize your surgery would take so long. I couldn't leave without talking to you though."

"Please tell me this is going to be a good talk." He can't read the tone in her voice but her wanting to talk frightened him a little bit.

"It's a good talk. It's not even a talk. I just wanted to tell you in person. Tomorrow night you are coming over and I am cooking dinner."

"You will be cooking," he repeats. Meredith doesn't cook. Something doesn't seem right.

"We are starting over, right? So I figured I would need to learn some time…how to cook, I mean. I just want to show you I could be that perfect person you want me to be."

"Meredith, you already are the perfect person I want you to be. You don't have to be someone you are not. That's not what I want." He pauses. He doesn't want her to think she isn't good enough. That's the last thing he wants. She obviously wants to have this experience with him, though, the look on her face shows that she is a little hurt that he seems to be turning her down. "We can cook together if you'd still like to cook. It'll be fun. Just don't think that I want you to change because you are wonderful how you are. Don't forget that."

"Ok. We can do it together. You're going to show up this time, right?"

"I promise."

"See you then." She flashes him one more smile before she leaves.

Lexie, Adam, and Jason are at Lexie and Adam's apartment studying for their surgeries that will be happening the next day. Adam sprawled out across the love seat and has his book resting in his lap. Lexie and Jason are sharing the couch, each of them on opposite ends. Lexie is staring at her book. Jason isn't even sure that she is actually paying attention to the words on the page. Her mind is else where. Her mind is on Derek.

"Are you ok Lexie?" Jason asks. He can't bear to watch her staring blankly at her book anymore.

She slowly looks up from her book and looks around the room. She notices Adam and Jason now have their attention focused on her but she doesn't remember either one of them speaking to her. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked if you're alright. You spaced out there for a while."

"I am just a little confused at the moment," she says before staring back at her book.

Jason scoots closer to her on the couch and looks on with her, "I can help you if you want. What don't you understand?"

"Oh…no that's not what I am confused about. Never mind, it's nothing. I shouldn't be talking about it." Lexie continues to stare into the pages of her book. Adam goes back to reading but Jason isn't done. He can't let her mope around like she is doing. He feels like he needs to do something.

"It's about him isn't it?" Jason pries. Adam clears his throat as to hint to Jason that maybe he should just let her be but Jason ignores it.

"I think…I think I love him," she says almost in a whisper. She doesn't really want to open this can of worms with him but she knows that he won't let up until she speaks up. She also hopes that talking about it with somebody would make her feel better. Nothing could have prepared her for what happens next. She jumps up startled when Jason slams her book closed hard. She glares at him. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"You don't love him," he says bluntly.

"Dude…" Adam interjects.

Jason faces Adam. "No, don't tell me to stop. She needs to hear this. I would think as her friend you would have already talked some sense into her." He turns to Lexie. "You don't love him. You think you love him. You love the way he makes you feel. You just met the guy. He looks at you and you melt. He tells you the things you want to hear. He doesn't mean them, Lexie." She hangs her head down. He lifts it back up by putting his hand under her chin and lifts her head back up. She looks at him with tears streaming down her face. "I can make you feel a hundred times better than he will ever make you feel and I will mean every word I say."

Adam slowly stands up and leaves the room. He can see that whatever is about to happen they need to be alone for. Jason and Lexie look into each other's eyes for a while. Lost in the moment they both forget to do anything. They get lost in each other's gaze. She wants to be mad at him for saying what he said but part of her knows that he is right. So many thoughts rush through her head that she isn't ready for when he moves in to kiss her. It's soft and short. It's not like Jason to just go for it like that. He quickly gets nervous and pulls back. He moves back to the other end of the couch and goes back to studying.


	8. Chapter 8

Ever since the previous night Lexie is feeling better about her situation. She keeps reminding herself that she doesn't love Derek and he doesn't actually love her either. He has made it perfectly clear that she is not the woman he wants to be with. It's just torture to continue letting herself feel for him the way she does. After Jason kissed her he left soon after and they haven't talked about it since it happened. The locker room was quiet and every once in a while they would exchange glances and smile but they were both not brave enough to approach the other. As she follows Cristina through the hallways of the hospital her mind drifts back to Derek. She can't help it. The image of him smiling at her pops in her head. She is so out of it that she doesn't realize she has giggled out loud.

"Is something funny, Dr. Grey?" Cristina asks as she turns around but continues her fast pace walking backwards and now facing Lexie.

"No, Dr. Yang, I'm sorry. It just slipped out."

"Well I am sorry to say that you'll be working with Dr. Sloan today. If he makes you get him coffee, ice cream, dry cleaning, or anything that isn't medical related let me know and I will cut his balls off. I will not have him treating my interns the way he treated Karev," Cristina says as Lexie's eyes go wide with a bit of fear of her resident. Dr. Bailey was mean and strict but she never threatened to cut off anybody's balls or any other part of their anatomy for that matter. Cristina and Lexie walk over to Mark who has his eyes on a nurse. He is holding a chart pretending to read it but his eyes are on the nurse's back side. "Dr. Sloan, Dr. Grey will be assisting you today."

Without even looking he replies back, "Ok thank you, Dr. Yang." Without saying another word Cristina rolls her eyes and goes to find herself a good case.

Mark begins to talk to Lexie but his eyes are still fixated on the nurse who is now flirting back at him with her eyes. They're practically having eye sex right there in front of everybody. "So Meredith, how are things going with Derek lately? We hardly get a chance to talk anymore."

"I'm Lexie, Dr. Sloan."

Mark immediately faces her and his jaw drops. It's not just because of her beauty but he now realizes the error he has made. It doesn't stop him from digging a bigger hole. "Wait a second are you Derek's Lexie?"

"Derek's Lexie? I was never Derek's anything," she says in a bitter tone. "What exactly has Derek said about me?"

"We shouldn't be talking about this. Come on, I have something you can help me with." Mark starts to walk but Lexie doesn't follow. He notices she isn't by his side and turns around. "What is the problem?"

"Please, I know your reputation."

Mark thinks for a moment before realizing what she is getting at. "No I actually have a patient to tend to. Let's go, Grey, before I change my mind." Lexie walks to catch up with Mark who has already started walking away from her. The whole time trying to piece together the conversation with Mark she had just had. Why would he know about her and Derek? He said something about Meredith, is she the girlfriend? These are things Lexie is determined to find out.

Ever since becoming residents they had become much busier than before. They all had their hands full even with their one intern each. With more power became more responsibility and with more responsibility came less time to be able to talk. Meredith would pass by the OR board every 10 minutes to check if Izzie's name would be on it. She needed to talk to her before their shift ended. For the last time before checking into the pit she stands in front of the OR board. Still no Izzie or even Adam's name on the board, she begins to wonder where else they could be. She is so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn't hear someone walk over and stand next to her.

"Looking for something to scrub in on? It's impossible today. I don't think we could buy our way into the OR."

Meredith looks to her right to see who is talking. "Izzie, just the person I have been looking for. Listen, I need your help. Derek is coming over and we're going to cook dinner together and I don't know what to make. I just need your opinion."

"You're actually going to cook?" Izzie asks almost in shock. Usually any time Meredith needs something cook she would ask Izzie to do it for her.

"We're going to do it together."

"I think you should so something easy so it will give you time to talk. You can't go wrong with a nice classic Italian inspired dinner. Make some kind of pasta dish with salad and garlic bread. You and Derek can go together to pick out what pasta you want to make and what kind of sauce you want with it, it'll be fun."

"You think so? Ever since the day of the wedding I have had a bad feeling. He's been so distant lately and I don't want to give up." Meredith pauses. The words she wants to say next actually scare her. She isn't even sure she wants to say them at all. Saying them would mean validating the thoughts in her head. Ever since he chose Addison it has been hard to let these feelings back in. He had hurt her once before and she is terrified he will do it again. "Thanks, Iz."

"And don't worry. I'll talk to Alex about being out of the house so you can have privacy."

"I didn't even think of that." Meredith's mind is racing with thoughts of how she would like the night to go. Izzie notices she is distant so she decides it's time to head to the gallery. Alex is in surgery and she would watch until he gets out so she could talk to him about being somewhere else for the night. Meredith doesn't realize she is left alone at first. She is too caught up in her thoughts from a few minutes ago. After all she's been through how could she possibly be thinking that he is the one? The thought scares her. She isn't sure she is ready to let her guard down just yet. Her heart is telling her something different. Tonight's dinner will be the deciding factor. Does he or does he not feel the same way? That's what she needs to find out.

Calm is one word Derek would use quite often to describe himself in the OR. Focused would be another very good word to describe him. If you would ask him what happens in his mind he would tell you he goes into "the zone" where nothing else affects him. It's just him and the patient. That's why he is as good as he is. His ability to zone in on his work is remarkable. Even with people watching him in the gallery he might as well be in the room alone. It didn't matter. Even with Meredith looking on with her young intern, he keeps his eye on the open skull in front of him. Everything went perfectly.

He is about to do his last procedure when out of the corner of his eyes he spots her smile. Lexie had entered the gallery and taken a seat next to Jason. He stops what he is doing to breathe. He can do this. This is a simple procedure. He is in his zone. Nothing can break him of his concentration. He looks back down to continue with his work. Lexie looks down and watches him. Jason had whispered something into her ear but she hadn't heard what it was. The intensity in his eyes lured her in. She could watch him work all day. He is an amazing surgeon and she is inspired by him. No matter how flawed he might be out in the real world in the OR he is God.

Her focus on Derek is broken when she feels a hand cover hers. She intertwines her fingers with his and she looks at Jason with a smile. Derek glances back up to see her smiling at that young intern of Meredith's. That's his smile. She smiles at him that way. How dare she smile at anyone else with his smile? What is he talking about? He doesn't have a smile. She isn't his to get mad over. The woman who sits next to the young intern, that's his woman…the woman who is smiling at him and only him. He closes his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts.

He cannot believe she had broken him from his "zone". He opens his eyes back up to the image that broke the last straw. Jason nibbles on Lexie's ear a bit and she leans in towards him with a big smile on her face. A smile Derek had never seen before. Jason's smile. The scalpel falls from his hand and clang, clang, clangs on the cold floor of the OR. Everyone's attention goes to the fallen scalpel as it makes its last bounce on the floor. The scrub nurse looks back up at Derek who slowly looks down to see what he had just done. "Another 10-blade, Nurse Peters," he says calmly. The nurse quickly walks to the supply closet and grabs another. She unwraps it from its packaging and slowly hands it to him. Nobody says anything more. He walks back over to his patient and continues the procedure.

Lexie quietly giggles as Jason whispers into her ear. Meredith rolls her eyes at the actions of the young interns. She grows rapidly uncomfortable. She didn't think of her and Lexie as related, however, something inside her screams at the fact that her sister and her intern are flirting right in front of her. Lexie leans in and whispers to Jason, "stop, I can't take it anymore." She leans her forehead against his and they gaze into each other's eyes. Meredith finally has had enough. She puts her arms in between the two and separates them.

"This is a gallery. This is where we watch surgeries. This is where we learn. This is where we take notes." Meredith looks at Jason. "This is not where we fondle my sister." Jason blushes as the attention in the gallery moves from the surgery to the end of the gallery where the Greys' and Jason are. Jason blushes. He wasn't even touching her, not with his hands anyway.

"But Dr. Grey…" Jason begins to say before he is interrupted.

"I don't want to hear it, Jason. I don't want to see it. I don't want any part of it," Meredith says before standing up and leaving the gallery.

Lexie and Jason look at each other and begin to laugh. Lexie never would have thought in a million years Meredith would accept her as family. As much as Meredith didn't want to admit it that's exactly what had just happened. Meredith just protected her. That meant more than any sexy surgeon performing brain surgery or any sweet coworker whispering naughty things into her ear. Her sister wants her as her sister. Thatcher would not be happy if he found out and Lexie didn't care. She has a sister. She has a sister named Meredith Grey.


	9. Chapter 9

Derek knows what he has to do

Derek knows what he has to do. He just has to find her. It has been done in movies time and time again. Why didn't he think about this before? The simple answer has been right in front of him the whole time. Where could she have gone in such a short time? It is a hospital, she could have gone anywhere. If he went searching for her like a lost puppy it would be too obvious. He can't ask about her because that would lead people on. He looks down at his watch. No, it's still too early for her shift to be over. Maybe she went to the pit to try to land a surgery to clear her head. Maybe she's in the intern tunnel. Maybe she went to squeal to Meredith about what is going on. She wouldn't. She couldn't. That would ruin everything and leave him with nothing.

Derek is almost in a sprint to get to the pit. He just hopes she's there. He slows down his jog to a fast walk as he walks through the doors. He does a quick scan of the room to see if he could see her. She isn't there. Maybe she is back with Mark. She is his intern today. He couldn't ask Mark about it, Mark had gotten him in enough trouble as it is. He decides to go to the nurse's station and see if he could sneak a peak at any of Mark's patients to see if he could go past their rooms really quickly. Just as he is about to grab onto a chart he spots her out of the corner of his eye. She is walking with Mark towards the elevators. He jogs to catch up and he makes it on to the elevator just in time before the doors close. He knows he is taking a risk with Mark being there but it's the only way.

Mark chuckles and Lexie rolls her eyes as soon as they see an out of breath Derek force himself into the closing doors of the elevator. They are the only three that are there. Derek could try right there and it wouldn't matter. Mark wouldn't dare tell a soul. He owes Derek big time for what he has done. The doors could open at any time and that would be a problem. When they reach their floor all three of them get off. Derek knows he looks like a stalker at this point. He is just following them without saying a word. He has seen this being done in movies plenty of times but he's never had to actually do it himself. It's starting to get uncomfortable for Mark and Lexie is just getting more annoyed but nobody wants to talk first.

"Derek, this is ridiculous," Mark says as they stop outside of their patient's room. "What are you doing?"

"I need Dr. Grey for just one moment, Dr. Sloan," Derek says in he most professional voice that he can as a few nurses walk passed them.

"As your fr…whatever we are…I really should tell you that I don't think this is a good idea. What ever it is you have planned."

"It'll only take a second." He looks at Lexie who is just fuming. She wants nothing to do with him. She had said what she wanted to say and that was supposed to be the end of it. He wasn't supposed to chase her all over the hospital and try to explain his side. She doesn't want to know his side. She wants this all to go away. "Please, Lexie."

"Fine."

He begins to walk and she walks with him. He needs to find somewhere they could be alone and not be disturbed. Linen closets and on-call rooms are for people who want to sleep and have sex, he wants to do neither of those things but he may have to other choice that to drag her into one. His office is on a different floor and he doesn't want to leave the area they are in. He plans on getting her back to Mark and their patient in no time. The only question left remaining is if something he sees work in movies all the time will work in real life. He realizes it's pretty dumb to rely on clichés from romantic comedies but the only other option is for them to suffer and he really doesn't want that for either of them. It's in both of their best interest to get over this right now. He looks to the left and right to make sure the hallway is clear before he opens the on call room door and pulls her inside. He immediately locks the door as soon as it closes.

"I know what this looks like and it's not. Not really. Just hear me out." He runs his fingers through his hair. "I am probably the biggest idiot to ever walk the earth. I know this." She nods in agreement. "They call me McDreamy around here and I don't deserve it. We both have this thing that we need to get over. Each other. We think that we want each other but the truth is that we don't. We're trying to fill some void and it's torture. There is only one way to do this and I know it's corny and the movies aren't real life but if this doesn't work then I don't know what I am going to do." He stops talking and instead of doing something he freezes. Can he really do this? She waits for him to either say something or do something or anything. She isn't sure if she is supposed to speak now or if there is more.

She opens her mouth to speak and he finally takes action. He pulls her in to him and kisses her. At first she pulls back but gives in and kisses him back. It doesn't last long before he pulls back. Her head still in his hands he looks into her eyes. Both of them a little breathless just stand there for a second. She still isn't really sure what is supposed to be happening. Again she waits for him to speak. He finally lets her go and stands back a bit. It worked. It actually worked. For him, anyway, it worked for him. Now the moment of truth, did she feel the same nothingness that he felt or did he make things that much more complicated? He almost forgot that it's his move. This was his bonehead idea. "So did you feel anything?" he finally says as he gathers his thoughts together. It sounds so stupid coming from his lips. He can almost hear a collective groan from an imaginary audience of real men.

She smiles and nods her head, "no I didn't." She finally understands what he was trying to do. She had seen her fair share of movies herself. She would never in a million years thought that something so stupid could actually work in real life. Those things only happen in movies. The two kiss who had been wanting each other all movie only to find that there really is no feeling there. It's proof that what they thought they had felt for each other doesn't even exist at all. "I don't feel anything. Not for you. Not anymore."

"Neither did I," he says as his own smile begins to form. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. He doesn't have to feel guilty anymore. He doesn't have to pretend that everything is ok when he is actually dying inside. That internal battle has subsided. That torture he was putting himself through is finally over. Yes Lexie is a wonderful woman and would make any man as happy as he can be but she isn't Meredith. Nobody ever will be. Why he didn't see that before he will always feel guilty for. He doesn't need anyone to fill the voids. She is everything he could ever hope to have in a friend, a lover, and hopefully some day a wife.

"So we're cool?" Lexie asks as she begins to walk towards the door.

"Definitely. You better get back to Mark before he thinks we're having sex in here."

"You better get back to Meredith before she thinks you don't want to be with her."

"Don't worry about me. I'll never let her think that again."

"You better not. That's my sister, you know."

"I know."

She smiles and then leaves the room. Derek sits down on the bed to compose himself. Did that actually just happen? Are things actually going to be ok? If he is to make it ok he's going to have to work hard at it. It will all start with their dinner. Their dinner will be the start to a beautiful beginning. He will prove to her that he loves her. He will show her that she can trust him. He is flawed. She is hurt because of him. She is distant because of him. How will he ever make it all up to her? Perhaps he can't but he knows that no matter how many people may posses the qualities that would make life simple he now knows and will always be reminded that simple is not what he wants, simple is not what he needs, what he needs is Meredith and Meredith is who he shall have…if she will have him.

The End.


End file.
